A long time coming...

I am not sure why it is so hard to commit to writing on this darn blog. I guess the fact that i have never done it, coupled with the idea that I am not really interesting enough to read about tends to hold me back... I have noticed that I am feeling frustrated and more irritated than normal... I feel like i need a release and maybe some sort of connection to people who are like me.... people with a band or who are trying to be healthy.

I am currently doing very well with my weight loss. I am at 196 lbs and am down from a RECORDED high of 312. ( I am quite sure that I was heavier than that at some point.) I finished my first triathlon and have many many plans for active living for next year.... Although I know that I have accomplished alot so far, I have some really negative feelings that I cannot see
I am finally under 200 lbs after a little over 2 years with the band... Whoever said that you don't lose weight in your second year was W.R.O.N.G! I lost like 40lbs.... not so sad, Sam! I am really proud of that.... My mom and I were talking the other day and she was laughing at me because she remembers that I told her I would be happy if I could just get under 200.... the mysterious and scary and evasive "onederland!!!" I thought that I would be SO happy if I could just get there.... That doesn't seem to be the case AT all!!! Don't get me wrong.... I am thrilled to tiny little pieces that I have joined the likes of so many of my banded idols.... but I still hunger for more...I want to lose AT LEAST another 30lbs, if not more.

Although I know that I have accomplished alot so far, I have some really negative feelings that I cannot seem to shake...

What really butters my biscuit is that so many people seemed shocked over that.... "Why would you want to lose that much?!?!" "You'll be too skinny...." Grrrrrrr..... No I wont... I would be in a healthy weight range for my height, you asshat. I know that people mean well but it is frustrating to feel like I am the only one in my life here that doesn't think it is OK to remain in the "overweight" category.... For once I want to go to the doctor and be considered "normal" ( not that much about me is such... lol)

On a happy note, I am less than 10 lbs from being considered just "overweight" on the BMI charts!!! It is shocking to realize that my BMI is 31 now but WAS 48.... HOLY CRAP... That is FANTASTIC.......

I guess I need to realize that even though I may not see the differences, there is MUCH less of me today then there was on November 17th, 2009.

I will leave you with a few photos...

My Triathlon Ladies! Tri It For Life is a women's only group and
they made it possible for me to finish....

When I got into the pool for the first time, I panicked and swallowed 10 gallons of water!

My SUPER supportive husband ran across the finish line with me....screaming the whole way!

Close it out with a picture of my pretty momma and me!

5x7 Folded Card

Initial Wreath Christmas Card

Create beautiful photo Christmas cards at Shutterfly.com.

View the entire collection of cards.

additions to my ramblings

So, I didn’t realize yesterday when I wrote my post that I had not written a blog since BEFORE I was banded! I got my band on November 17th, 2009. It was a long and frustrating process, but not near as frustrating as I know it has been for other people. Everything went fine with the surgery except for my large incision. It got infected and I ended up being out of work for 4 weeks because it was all yucky and open!
My husband told me that my post yesterday did not really acknowledge all of my accomplishments since having the band. I have lost about 35lbs so far since the pre-surgery diet. I also did not gain a bunch of weight when I essentially had no band at all! I am down a size in pants and shirts and bras! ( Always exciting when the girls get a little smaller…) Now, I am also trying to master listening to my own body, when it comes to hunger, stress, anger, excitement, etc. I don’t always succeed but I feel like I am making progress.
I plan on going to get a new tattoo on Saturday night. “Ebb” and “Flow” on my wrists. I need a physical reminder that just like the tide, life has it ups and downs and one just needs to learn to go with it.

My Lap Band Journey Thus Far

I have not kept up with this silly blog. I really want to but frankly, I spend all day on the computer and really HATE getting on this thing at night. I can’t access Blogger from work but I CAN write it at work and then send it to myself at home! Bravo for ingenuity!

I have been having a tough time with this Lap band. I always thought that I would get it and have NO trouble at all….. WRONG!

Here is what I have been through since January…

I went to NYC for my uncle’s funeral. I really didn’t know him that well but I went for my grandmother. On the way to NYC (we were driving from NC), I had a panic attack because we KEPT getting lost, thanks to Google Directions….. It should have taken 11-12 hours but ended up taking almost 19 hours! On that trip I also found out some horrible things about my biological father and what he was like before he passed away. I allowed these things to get to me and that weekend the pain started.

I was having these awful chest pains! It had nothing to do with eating but was overwhelming and really took my breath away! Because I had recently gotten my first fill, I went to see my bariatric surgeon. He was concerned that these pains were somehow caused by my band and he did a slight un-fill. When this didn’t help he took more out and then did a complete un-fill!! He was really thorough and looked at my stomach through EGD and looked at my gallbladder. When he ruled everything out, we determined that it was esophageal spasms caused by ANXIETY! All this trouble because I don’t know how to relax?!?!? REALLY?!?!?

I spent February to May completely EMPTY! It was almost like my band did not exist…. I floated from 262-272 for that WHOLE time! How frustrating! I finally got a fill, we decided that I need to seek out some help to deal with the anxiety and I feel that having a band that does nothing was not helping with that. I currently have 5 CCs in my 10CC band. I feel SOME restriction but am looking forward to getting another fill in a month.

I need to do better on the exercise front. I have signed up to do the Avon walk and don’t have as much time left as I would like to prepare! The walk is in October and I GOTTA get started now!

I will try to do better about posting! I have to do this for myself!

Randomness

So..... I really like to craft, that was the point of this blog right? To try to craft my way through quitting smoking..... Turns out, I didn't need something to help me quit, it was just a matter of having something else to inspire me to do it.
My inspiration was a combination of wanting WLS ( Weight Loss Surgery) and also being ridiculously sick of always having a cold.....

I am currently working on getting the Lap-Band surgery. I have been working at this since 04/2009..... This seems to be taking FOREVER.... I am not the most impatient person on the planet but CHRIST this is ridiculous! It seems like whenever I can the doctors office to see if they have sent my paperwork off to the insurance company that all I get is the run around....
You know what is the most messed up thing about it? They made me pay upfront, before they would send off my information.... Have I paid? Yes..... Have they sent off my paperwork? NO..... STUPID!
I really feel like this could be the tool that I need to get healthy and really get this weight thing under control.....
Good news: I haven't gained any weight since quit smoking. I feel like that is a real accomplishment.
Unfortunately, Life gets in the way sometimes and we become stagnant. I found other things that occupy my time instead of crafting.... I feel like I really need to get back to it though. I need to find some way to let my creative juices flow. Some way to blow off steam other than sitting on my ass at night and watching TV.
I probably wont be doing much crafting in the next few weeks because I am studying for my Series 6 certification.... ( That is a license that starts me on the path to becoming a financial planner).
However, maybe because I know that I will be stressed , I should MAKE it a POINT to craft.... even if it is just a little dinky 5 minute project, it will probably blow off some steam..... Hmmmm....... Something to think about.

Not Up To Much

Hey All or No One!
I am just sitting here with my husband burning disks into I-tunes and laughing at all the crazy music that our friends Joe and Veronica have in their collection.... See... They left all of their CDs here from the party we had last weekend and so I figured I would put them on my Ipod! Score!
I like getting new music....
My life has been in a bit of a frenzy lately and I really have not had much time to commit to sitting down and doing crafts like I would like. I did recently get two new books though.... Not your mamas stitching by Kate Shoup. The book seems really great so far although I feel like the introduction is a little long winded. I havent gotten to any of the projects yet but I will let ya know how they go!
I also got another book called Sublime Stitching by Jenny Hart. This book looks AWESOME! It has instructions in the front for embroidery beginners and a TON of iron on patterns in several sizes. I haven't started to look through that one yet, I will let ya know how that one goes too....

The Long Lost Update

Ok, So I am a bad blogger..... Gimmie a break though! This is my first one. I can't access the website at work and I am WAYYYYY too tired when I get home from work!
So.... I am STILL not smoking! It has been 6 months and I don't regret not one minute of it! I am so happy to have quit.
I really don't have too much to say right now but I promise to be back later!